Hymne for Pandora

What if everyone shows their weakness, their sorrow, their pain?
What if everyone tells you the story of the deep grief they dig for someone else?
What if everyone calls out names who make life hard to live?
What if everyone admits their fault?
What if everyone says they are worth your sorry?
What if everyone really meant their sorry?
What if everyone goes that way?
What if everyone fixes each other?

Azmi, September 2019

Heavy Drinker

I'd like to unskin myself
Hang my peeled skin on the wall
Trace every harm it has been through
Burn soreness into ashes
Scatter back over your body
You need to know that it hurts me
As I say while drowning in tears
This is the new liquor

Azmi, August 2019

Torture

Their life is a tangled mess
He doesn't like poetry
While she loves it though doesn't good at writing one
He lets music runs through his vein
While she doesn't even know what C is
They hide their weight from each other
Fail at trying not to cry
They have every second to leave
Fail at hanging up
Healing is the biggest shit he believes
She tries even in the darkest night
For both are longing for something
I guess one should untangled

Azmi, July 2019

Knock Knock

Aku sudah memperbaiki pintu rumahku berkali-kali. Memperbaikinya dari atas ke bawah, tanpa melewatkan satu bagian pun. Melakukannya di setiap tahun di tanggal yang sama. Memandanginya dengan cara yang tidak berubah. Sebenarnya, aku sudah mencoba mengubah pandanganku berkali-kali. Tapi aku tidak pernah berhasil, malah semakin menjadi-jadi tanpa ampun. Aku juga mencoba memaafkannya tapi nyatanya sama saja. Jadi anggaplah aku tak bisa melakukan apapun kecuali membenci, ya, membenci memang hal paling mudah.

Dulu, pintu rumah adalah titik kesukaanku. Aku akan membukanya di setiap pagi dan sore. Pagi adalah saat ia pergi, saat aku melambaikan tangan. Aku akan berdiri di samping pintu rumah dan mendoakan agar harinya menyenangkan. Kemudian ia mencium keningku dan mengingatkanku untuk menutup pintu rumah serapat-rapatnya. Aku melakukannya, tak pernah ingkar. Sore adalah saat ia pulang, saat aku menyambutnya dengan rindu. Aku akan berdiri di samping pintu rumah dan bertanya bagaimana harinya. Kemudian ia mengusap rambutku dan mulai bercerita sembari menutup pintu rumah. Serapat-rapatnya agar tak ada yang mencuri dengar ceritanya.

Dulu, pintu rumah adalah kebahagiaanku. Ia mengatakan bahwa pintu rumah tak boleh terlihat menyedihkan. Meskipun pintu rumah tidak terbuat dari kayu terbaik, pintu rumah tetap harus dirawat. Maka kami memperbaikinya di setiap tahun, di tanggal yang sama. Aku memilih kayu, ia memasangnya. Aku memperhatikan, ia sesekali menjelaskan. Tentang bagaimana memperbaiki pintu rumah, bagaimana menjaganya dalam setahun, dan bagaimana membuatnya menjadi sangat berarti. Saat pintu rumah selesai diperbaiki, dia akan memelukku dan berterimakasih. Katanya, "jaga pintu rumahmu, jangan lupa untuk selalu membukanya untukku."

Dulu, pintu rumah memang titik kesukaan dan kebahagianku. Namun hanya sampai pada hari itu. Hari yang tidak kuingat namanya, hari yang apapun namanya tidak penting untukku. Aku hanya mengerti bahwa langit terang, tidak mendung seperti dalam buku-buku yang menggambarkan perpisahan. Aku hanya mengerti bahwa aku melakukan hal-hal di pagi hari seperti biasanya dan tidak ada hal ganjil terjadi seperti dalam cerita-cerita mengenai firasat. Aku hanya mengerti bahwa dia terburu-buru hingga lupa mengecup kening dan mengingatkan untuk menutup pintu rapat-rapat. Aku hanya mengerti bahwa aku menunggu dia seperti yang biasa kulakukan. Aku hanya mengerti bahwa dia pulang terlalu larut dan kelelahan hingga lupa berbagi cerita.

Kemudian, aku hanya ingat langit tetap terang dan tidak ada hal ganjil terjadi. Aku hanya ingat bahwa dia pergi terburu-buru dan pulang kelelahan. Aku hanya ingat aku tidak bosan menunggu dia seperti yang biasa kulakukan. Aku hanya terus ingat bahwa langit tetap saja terang dan hal ganjil tak pernah terjadi. Aku hanya terus ingat bahwa dia pergi selalu terburu-buru dan pulang selalu kelelahan. Aku hanya terus ingat bahwa aku menunggunya seperti yang seharusnya, seperti yang biasa kulakukan. Selalu seperti itu hingga aku tidak lagi ingat sudah berapa lama kulalui hari-hari seperti itu. Selalu seperti itu hingga aku tidak lagi ingat bahwa pintu rumah kami menanti diperbaiki. Menanti terlalu lama.

Azmi, June 2019
Written on May 2015

My Life in Pack

I was packed off to faraway for sorrow
But I have packed up my stuff
It was not a pack of times nor memories
It was you packed with joy, laugh, firework, and else
Things which could never be packed out even by heartbreak
Things which could never be packed in even by despair

Azmi, June 2019
Written on July 2018

Please Save Me From My Own Mind #6

You could walk away from people who hurt you or make you sick and tired
And there would always be the time you blame yourself for let them in
or blame them for being so rude
or blame the life for the path you both share
But, darling, world works that way
It hits you hard only to slap you harder when you get up
Imagine everything seems so easy, everyone greets warm, everywhere looks nice,
How do you learn the scars?
How do you know which one is good, better, or best?
How do you figure out who you are?

Azmi, May 2019
Written on December 2018

Please Save Me From My Own Mind #2

Someday people will ask you about how you keep alive in one percent battery
Then you will say to them that life charges yourself
You will say you can bring out your aptitude, become brave and set your voice louder for your liking,
and show your maximal brightness as your ability at the same time
Because life charges you while you try to pass it through
Because life doesn't only hurt you badly but also give you all the words, touches, chances, people, and gifts you deserve
And that's all enough to take you back to one hundred percents
Someday people will ask you and you will reply exactly like that
So please keep going, you are almost there

Azmi, May 2019

Please Save Me From My Own Mind #1

Having that pretty brain is always in my bucket list

The one people keep talking about because it is so much full of books, tales, news, and everything

So is having good taste in music

Going to concert and singing along with everyone

Plus for playing any instruments

It would be really nice to dress up and put make-up on

Flawless in any appearances, confidence as the key

It would be really nice to go place to place, too

Challenge ourselves to learn new things, try new foods, or greet new people

Pursue directional dreams

I do adore the cheerful and kind person people can lean on

The one who makes time for other and accompanies through bad time

Also the faithful yet open-minded person who sees life in positive way and finds magic in anything

People who get nightmares but wake up happily have my respect

They are surrounded by family and friends

Struggling in silence

People who believe in themselves have it either

They enjoy life with eyes close, take steps without any feet, thankful for whatever it takes, and realize that being themselves is more than enough

I don't want to call any names since I write this because I do envy you all

I just want you to know that you may feel invisible but without you realize, people may have their eyes on you and pray for your good

So please keep going

You are blessing I wish I were

Even anyone wishes they were

Azmi, April 2019

I Don't Want Goodbye

It's gonna hurt when you leave

It would be scar for ever

So instead of telling you are the one

I would rather to convince you are the one

Because every time I think I drown

I land back to your shore

I end up loving you more

Azmi, Maret 2019

Another Year, Another Happy Birthday

Years from now, still

I can hear your voice kilometers away

The idea of you laughing with your friends

I know you are already conquer your world

I could take walks only to see you

Might bring you scent of happiness

In a form of everything you ever wish

That I couldn't grant in those past years

But while you are only steps away

I guess I would stop by in tiptoe

Not today, I'd mumble to myself

It is like when you are in stage with your guitar

I would give you applause from the backseat

Wish you could hear the clap of mine

Point me in the middle of your fans
That day I'd mumble not today to myself for times

Because I know sky is yours, darling you are more

And even though I know universe doesn't match the flaw

I would love you that stupid, still

Azmi, February 2019